FCE Essay 2 My Critique
Compare the mistakes you found with the ones I have written below…
At school, during ‘science and geography’ lessons ofscience and geography, everyone studies how ‘the’ is made natural environment ‘is made’ and how we can protect it. Despite ‘the fact’ we study the importance of environment, we don’t pay much attention to this ‘in reality’. At the moment we are attending particular and extreme phenomena, so we are very scared and worried and we want to change. It may not be as easy as it sounds.
(I would start a new paragraph here) Firstly, it is difficult to change ‘our’ own lifestyle and habits. Change has an economic and personal cost. We don’t mind how much plastic we use every day. Plastic is everywhere: it wraps the (you don’t need ‘the’ here because we’re talking about ‘food’ in general) food, it is useful when we want to eat quickly, it is also in our clothes. The products, that don’t have plastic in their packagings, are more expensive (this is a defining relative clause, not a non-defining relative clause):. I think for example, when I buy drinks in the glass bottles, they are very expensive. So, if I want to save money, I buy plastic bottles. Then I observe that (‘Another example that I have observed is…’) in the supermarket I can find many small food packs, also for single dose’s/’portions’ of food’. I don’t waste food but I pollute more ‘because of this’. So we can find sustainable development (If you want to keep this sentence, you should explain in more detail what you mean).
(I would start a new paragraph here) Another problem is about transport: we are all in favor that we have to use more public transports. The problem is that too often we don’t have a good public transport service with a capillary distribution (this term is only used in specific fields of work and is not used in everyday English). However we can ‘make an’ effort to use ‘our’ own car’s’ only if it is necessary.
‘The’ last thing it is about differentiated collection of waste: too few people does it (You should remove this sentence. Don’t introduce too many ideas without developing them into detailed arguments).
I think that there are many ‘environmental’ problems but we have to stop to think that ‘these’ are only an obstacle. It is ‘They are’ also an opportunity. So it is important to change our mind’set’ but we need also ‘need’ of more education in everywhere place (‘in’ schools, within familiesy, at cinemas, etc.) about good (‘environmentally friendly’) behavior. Secondly, (I would only write this if I’ve written ‘firstly’ before it), if the law and the penalties don’t work, probably we would change themin (‘people’s behaviour’?) ‘through’ incentives. For example, if the condo (what is ‘the condo’?) applies perfectly the rules about differentiated collection of waste it would have a discount in the invoice (I don’t understand this sentence). Thirdly, we need more investment ‘in’ for transport and sustainable development.
