CAE Essay Examples | 1 Great Way To Learn

CAE Examiners Assessment Template

Download this assessment template here or complete the online version here with your thoughts on the writing below.

CAE Essay Example 1 - Answer

As well as completing the assessment scale, you should also make a note of any mistakes you find here. You can also download the answer here if you prefer. This will be really good practice for getting in the mind of an examiner, which is key to getting high marks in the exam. Afterwards, we will look at the mistakes which I found and my comments.

C1 Essay Example Answer & My Comments

I have highlighted the mistakes and written comments showing you how to correct them in (bold and italics).

HOW TO LOOK AFTER YOUNG CHILDREN

There is no doubt that one of the problems of (the word ‘problem’ collocates with ‘with’ before a person/people) modern families is how to take care of young children. Some years ago, the most common solution was to leave the new-borns with a family member. Usually, it was the mother, who had to leave her job and sacrifice her career for the new arrival. Today, the situation is slightly different, because, often, both parents have to work and no relatives are available to come into (‘into’ is not the right word to use here - you could say - ‘come and support’) support of (don’t write ‘of’ here. We say ‘support somebody’ in English, not ‘support of somebody’) the family. In this essay, I will discuss two possible solutions (‘solution’ is not the right word here. ‘Solution’ implies that leaving the children with a family member is not an option, and that you will therefore discuss two alternative methods. The problem is the next paragraph then talks about leaving the children with a family member) and their advantages and disadvantages.

One of the advantages of leaving your children with a family member is that you trust this person (I would say ‘this person will usually have your trust’ - because it is better to try and use the passive voice in an essay. We also tend to use more nouns and fewer verbs in formal writing) and you know (do you know that?) that they will certainly take care of them in the best way. Furthermore, when the children are sick, you can leave them in bed and check their temperature frequently, preventing complications. (I think you could develop this last sentence more and state that you cannot do this if the children go to nursery). On the other hand, though, your children could (you should use ‘may’ or ‘might’ rather than ‘could’ here. ‘Could not’ in this sentence means they were not able to. It is a definitive statement and it does not imply possibility) not develop some important social skills such as team playing (‘teamwork’ might be a better word to use here) and sharing (‘connecting’ might be a better word to use. We tend to say ‘sharing’ + something) with peers, but they could be left (for) some time in front of a screen (you could explain why this wouldn’t be beneficial).

Another solution could be to make them attend a nursery. There are numerous advantages in (‘advantages’ collocates with ‘to’) this approach as well, but, above all, I would enlighten (‘enlighten’ is usually followed by an object) that children are taught to stay together, to help each other and to have fun. Unfortunately, on the other hand, they run the risk of getting ill more frequently and this could be a problem for parents who have to take maternity leave to cure (‘look after’ or ‘take care of’ are better phrases to use here. ‘Cure’ is stronger and implies the parents will heal them from a serious illness or disease) them.

To sum up (this expression is a little too informal for an essay), I think that I would choose a mixed solution for my children: a family member during the first years but then a nursery as soon as they start speaking and relating (‘building relationships’) with others, so that to (remove the word 'to' and replace it with 'they') improve their abilities (‘ability’ should be countable singular here) to be part of a group.

CAE Essay Sample Marks

Answer

While you read this example answer, you should write down any mistakes you find on this document, then complete the examiner assessment template below:

Online template

Hard copy Assessment Scale Template

Example Answer Download

C1 Writing Exam Assessment Template

If you haven't done it yet, download this assessment template here, or complete it online here with your thoughts on the writing above.

C1 Essay Sample Answer 2 & My Comments

Here is the student's answer with my corrections and comments written in (bold and italics).

Nowadays, many young people tend to ask themselves how valuable is the benefit of taking part in sport competitions in which they participate (I don’t think these words add any extra to the sentence). It is said that ‘it’ (after using the phrase ‘it is said/thought that’ you should repeat the subject) is worthy (you should use ‘worth’ here) for healthy people to having a positive attitude and this (the attitude) are also usually able to contributes more to a the healthy mind. 

But which points can be highlighted as valuable from ‘having’ healthy lifestyles? (Personally, I wouldn’t ask questions in an essay). Not only ‘does’ physical condition have a very important role to play, but also mental condition might be affected ‘as a result’.  This (what starts at the beginning?) starts at the beginning (the beginning of what?) when the young child can learn about the value of exercise. Despite having a fitness body, this (what is ‘this’?) should not only be aimed at sports competitions. They need to have continuous ‘winnings and losses ings’ in order to understand the importance of being trained mentally (I think the argument of the essay disappears a bit here). For instance, Usain Bolt is an excellent athlete thanks to ‘his’ capability to accept to losses and train hard for the next sport competition.

Attitude alone, however, is not enough. Young athletes need to have easy access to resources which will enable them to learn in a better way. There is no point in having a great attitude to learn if they cannot find materials that other athletes can share as tips in order to make the difference. In this case, these materials refers to personal experiences and training methods ed abilities which youngsters need to pay more attention ‘to’. If cooperation is not performed (we don’t normally ‘perform cooperation’, it would be more common to say ‘if cooperation does not exist’, young people are all too likely to slip into bad habits (this  paragraph is well written).

To sum up, of the two values outlined above, healthy lifestyles is the more effective one. lt is more far reaching in that it relates to all aspects of living healthily. In addition to this, after all, through (‘developing the right’) attitude, that a person will learn why it is better to go to a sport competition than to lie on a couch in front of the television. (I don’t think I understand this final sentence. Do you mean attitude will teach a person? I probably wouldn’t introduce a new idea into the final sentence of an essay).

CAE Essay Sample 2 Marks

Below, you can read my critique on the examiner assessment scale...

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The following question can be found on this website.

C1 Writing Exam Assessment Template

While reading the next answer, you should complete the assessment scale. You can download the assessment template here or complete this online version.

CAE Essay Examples - Answer 3

CAE Essay Examples - Answer 3 pdf

Okay, so hopefully you've completed the hard copy or the online examiner assessment template with your marks and comments. Before reading my corrections below, you should now write down any mistakes you find on this document.

CAE Essay Examples - Answer 3 + My Comments

Here is the student's answer with my corrections and comments written in (bold and italics).

We live in a wor’l’d where there are so many options for travelling (Spelling mistakes are not a huge issue, but they are important if they disrupt the flow/meaning of your writing. This spelling mistake is in the first sentence and therefore might put negative thinking in the examiner’s mind). According to a recent article, there has been an increase in international travelling. Since the article did not find the major causes of what is causing this new trend (can you think of a way to avoid saying ‘causes’ and ‘causing’ in the same sentence?), I decided to raise two crucially important factors which could presumably contribute to this. 

It cannot be denied that we take most means of transport for granted and flying on a plane is becoming more prevalent (Good sentence). In comparison to the previous century, the cost of airline tickets has noticeably decreased. In other words, most airlines are now aiming at a wide’r’ range of ‘people’ public. (We don’t often say ‘a range of public.’) Not only do they want to attract the affluent, but they also want to ensure that even the poorest citizens can afford to buy a ticket. Moreover, the convenience of aircraft also plays a vital role as flying is not so time-consuming. (Good paragraph).

Another potential factor is global business and trade. The majority of successful companies, such as Foxconn and Apple, are spread out into ‘across’ the whole world. If they did not do this, they would not be able to satisfy their customers. Therefore, they often have no other option, but to dispatch (‘dispatch’ is not often a word used for people but more for inanimate objects) their representatives, (remember the comma as this is a non-definite relative clause because the next part of the sentence is extra information) who always travel by plane. Secondly, the world economy has reached its peak, that is to say, our population is buying more cars. (I think this point would be made stronger by adding another sentence.)

To sum up, as far as I am concerned, global business plays a bigger role when it comes to the increase in travelling. Despite the fact that means of transport have changed, companies have a major impact. To make it clear, companies have the power to shape our society. We are under the influence of them. They set down the rules in terms of new trends in our society (I think you could combine the final two sentences and avoid repeating the words ‘our society’).

CAE Essay Examples - Question 3 Marks

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